quite a rollercoaster

Its been a rough past few days, but we are hanging in there.

For me personally, I could feel emotional attacks of the enemy begin on Wednesday, and it snowballed from there. Without going into detail, Satan is crafty in his timing...waiting until you are most vulnerable to 'shoot an arrow' at an old healing wound. 

Through this, Aron was quick to point out, "I can see why you feel that way, but I think Satan is manipulating your emotions." He is exactly right. Often times when circumstances arise that cause us pain, we allow ourselves to believe false assumptions planted by Satan. He is the master deceiver...which means unless we are on our guard, we may not even realize we are deceived. 

Thursday we had Belle's opthalmologist appointment. She was very fearful the entire way there. And her physician, who has so awesome our first visit, was very short and impatient. Belle was scared to answer questions, and at one point he scolded us both telling me her uncooperative behavior was "unacceptable". As we were leaving, Belle asked for a sticker. I communicated her request to the tech, who then replied that the Doctor wanted me to show her the stickers and then tell her she didn't get any today for not cooperating. Next time, if she answered questions she would get a sticker. This did not go over well with my barely 3 year old who has had one too many traumatic medical experiences this year (can you say VCUG?).

So he wasn't able to do a thorough exam, but said he could tell by doing a test with a prism that she isn't using her left eye enough yet. He instructed us to begin patching 6 hours a day for 6 weeks. We began as soon as we got home. The first few hours were rough...really rough. Enough so that we thought it best to cancel plans for our family to visit this weekend. This was especially hard because Aron's sister & her sweet baby were coming for a visit, and we didn't want to miss out on an opportunity to spend some quality time with them as well as his mom & dad.

They had some needs at work Friday on the afternoon shift, so I decided to go in. Bad idea. I ended up in the ER after being sprayed in the eye with gastric contents from a PEG tube (permanent feeding tube inserted through the abdominal wall). Thankfully the rapid HIV test on the patient was negative, but I'm still waiting to hear about a few other infectious diseases they test for when you have an exposure. Very unnerving. I should know by Monday, but I struggle whether to nurse Judah or not until I find out if I am all clear. 

So I got home at midnight last night feeling overwhelmed with despair and fear. Despair for all the brokenness I had just encountered in my very ill patients at the hospital, worry over my own health and that of my babies, and emotionally exhausted from the roller coaster.

I simply prayed for God to restore my strength and my hope. Judah slept 8 solid hours, which allowed me to rest (albeit a few bad dreams about the whole week). Rest does wonders to grant you a new perspective. God is giving me peace this morning, and I am soaking in my family. There is nothing more precious in the world.

I am looking forward to worship tomorrow. Aron will be playing a song he wrote (which is always a highlight for me), and in the evening we get to hang out with our small group groupies - a promise of a good laugh and some great conversations (we're doing a marriage study) with our friends.

We would appreciate your prayers in this transition time with Belle as well as for healing for little eye. I would also appreciate your prayers as I wait to hear about this exposure.  And while you're talking to God on our behalf...don't forget Aron. He'll be speaking and leading a worship service next Sunday night, and without fail we experience intense spiritual attacks every week before he speaks as he is preparing to communicate the message God has given him.

thankful for your love,

ejk