This is my arrival

Way past the hour of 11, when responsible people are dreaming fast into their prepared for tomorrow, Aron and I sat watching sermons online. I would love to quote Steven Furtick, the words which rang true deep in my spirit, but I didn't write them down. So a paraphrase will do:

The destination is a mirage. So you'd might as well enjoy the journey, because - NEWSFLASH - you're never going to arrive.

I'm the 'arriving' type. Lists, with tasks neatly crossed off, send me into peaceful validation. I like to know my destination, and march decidedly in that direction until I...

Arrive.

Nothing about our journey as a family has catered to this desire in me.

And all the intuition within me knows that is of divine design.

A weaning, a pruning, a chopping down to nubbin' -

To strip me of my planning and plotting - building a kingdom of my own desires fulfilled.

Marching decidedly toward that which makes my heart come alive.

His purposes - who can understand them? But I try, and I believe Him when He says He gives wisdom to those who ask for it.

His divine discipline for me:

To grow roots in me deep as the underground rivers flowing so alive beneath winter's frozen ground.

To awaken my heart to the joy of seeking first his Kingdom, and letting all else take its proper place.

Beneath.

Enjoyed, but not worshipped.

And so I pause in the midst of desires buried deep -

Deep as the laundry piled high in unarrived trampled mess -

Among unfulfilled dreams and hopes that dare to inhale again,

To enjoy journey today.

Knowing this day will be crossed off my to do list forever.

Never to be enjoyed again.

And these moments,

They evaporate before me like a morning mist.

Vanishing.

Until that beautiful day when He calls me by my true name.

When, crown in hand, casting at His beautiful feet

I can finally say,

"This is my arrival."

ejk