Wednesday, February 1, 2012

In Full

if you hadn't already stolen my heart 13 years ago, you would have had it anew tonight.
our journey is not what we planned it to be, but I am finding our DreamGiver is writing it beautiful just the same. we consecrated our united lives to Christ that August day, two dreamer souls alive with the glory of love. we didn't know that in that moment we were laying our dreams on the alter, and that before our very eyes we would see our God light them afire. we watched them burn, and it felt like death of the heart. there were moments we sat dazed and deflated and unable to comprehend this righteous blaze. knowing his heart for us was love and goodness, yet experiencing such pain. 

his fire, it consumed, 
but only what was perishable, waste, impure.
our dreams remained, and now we stare at them,
fire quenched and satisfied,
and they stand sparkling pure, never destroyed,
only refined.

tonight, our DreamGiver came near, in the simplest of ways, to assure us again that he is ever present. ever seeing, ever in control. ever giving. ever loving. if he has stripped, it has been for our good and his glory. if he has wounded, it has been for our whole healing.

belle had an idea: she desperately wanted a fancy dinner. she begged to paint her nails deep purple and decorate herself beautiful in ruffles and sparkles. i have never seen her so utterly beside herself when you made over her all gussied up, though her self-applied make up was honestly hilarious. you put on a suit and tie and asked her to dance. judah wore a tie and cowboy boots, and I threw on a dress over yoga pants and unkept hair.

we danced to Rosemary Clooney, and Belle swooned. you hold her heart, and I am so thankful she is learning her value from you. you awaken in her heart a sacred femininity that leaves me speechless as I watch it gush and ooze from her tiny self. you draped a towel over your arm, put on your best stuffy accent, and served the kids their spinach salads and cucumbers, assuring them the main course was soon to come. tortellini and chicken never tasted so inviting, and you suggested we have fancy italian night every tuesday. i love how you enjoy our children.

we spent the rest of our evening watching home videos. we giggled at how skinny you looked, at how pregnant I stay, at how much 2 year old Belle looked just like her brother. I forgot how curly her hair was, how cute her little voice. and you swooned at your little girl, teared at how grown she now seems. you spoke of how excited this made you to meet your next daughter....until we watched the birth videos and you breathed heavy with anxiety over the pain that was coming for me. 

somehow, in the midst of the evening, we both understood. understood his timing and caught a glimpse of his plan and precision in his care of our world. i've been waiting for this moment. knowing it to be true, but needing to see it for myself.

our belle awoke this morning, and while still tucked cozy in her flannel monkey sheets, breathed a delighted sigh. "I just can't stop thinking about that amazing fancy dinner. and we even got to watch 3 whole movies!"

i am learning dreams come true happen one subtle moment at a time. and the beauty and the pain somehow weave together to create the thread that knits our hearts together forever. and above and beyond it all, our DreamGiver works it all together for our good and his glory.

one day, we will see in full. and we will understand the whole.
breathless at his beauty, we will join a host of the redeemed and declare,
that he really is better than we could have ever dreamed.
and he is ours and we are his, forever.

*ideas in this post inspired after husband re-read Dream Giver for couples this week (we read it a little over 4 years ago), and reminded me of the ideas presented in the book. if anything in the post resonated with your heart, I would recommend reading the book for yourself! 


beckyjomama said...

y'all are the best parents ever - I ADORE your sweet little family!

mammaw jackie said...

tears! love how you guys love on each other.would love to have seen the makeup and cowboy outfit bet they were adorable too.:)