Thursday, January 5, 2012

crash landing

Jan 5th, 7:30 pm
 Jan 5th, 7:31 pm

I giggle to myself as my mind's eye replays Judah's crash landing, falling hard asleep, so deeply as soon as face planted on rug, that my attempts to brush his teeth did not so much as stir him. I carried him limp to bed, when only a minute before he was sitting up eating his bedtime snack. Both the granola in his bowl (from Grandma's cupboards) and the hand-me down dino jammies (from cousin's drawers), tell of a week of highs, of filling of heart, with the ones that mean so much.

I think we all, the four of us, crashed in this way the last two days, slamming back into responsibility and demands, coming down from the high of 10 straight days of togetherness (and an unholy amount of sugar). Its always harder than I anticipate to reacquaint my heart to the distance, to the weeks stretched into months of time apart (even harder to watch the kids try to do the same...navigating questions like, "Mom, why did God make Grandma live so far away?"). The transition back is a bit of an emotional crash landing. Our poor family, I think they must weary of the togetherness when we are visiting (and understandably so...its a lot of time in the same space when your bucket is already full), but we know of the drought that awaits us, so we soak them in like a sponge, letting their waters saturate to the deepest pores to last. And truly, we drove North on 75 this past Tuesday with full hearts, smiling and joyful as we talked about our favorite moments of the week.

The crash landing is inevitable when you soar at such great heights of the heart. Oh, but our Father, his faithfulness and goodness is always surprising me. A phone call tonight from a sister, not in flesh but in spirit, offering to spend an evening with the young Kirklings so Aron & I could have a night out, felt a gift of encouragement straight from his generous hand.

Our Christmas tree is still glowing, though the needles fall faster than my vacuum can handle. But our bags are unpacked, mostly.  Tomorrow I will put on my nurse hat for the first time in nearly two weeks, praying all the way to work for skillful hands and an attentive mind, and pleading for the same for the nurses and doctors preparing my dad for his procedure two states away. Saturday we will initiate a circus waffle maker to our pancake loving ways and close up Christmas to make room for order in this tiny little home. At least in my ever planning mind, this is how life should unfold.

Of course one never knows, but I am okay with that. Because I trust the one who does.
crash-landing, but cradled even so,


beckyjomama said...

Those pictures are.awesome. MAN, I wish I could fall asleep like that!!!

As for your words? Well ... ya know ... ouch. Feel your pain, but knowing our great big God the way we do, we shall endure! (SO thankful I have a kindred spirit to endure it with!!!)

j said...

Oh, I totally understand...I think I wrote a post back in December with the exact same title, about the exact same thing! And your response to me was so validating, truthful and encouraging The last time I spent 10 full days with my loved ones was in college when i was back living at home! So I can only imagine the fullness of heart followed by an equally aching of heart after such precious time together. Some say over time it gets easier...but I'm not so sure about that. I think our perspective just changes and the way we handle it all...and "cradled" is the right perspective ro have. Sounds like you are right where you need to be. xoxo

j said...

Excuse my typos as I attempt to respond via one finger typing and smartphone ;)

grandma kirk said...

i think my crash landing cane friday evening into saturday. (grandmas take a little longer to recover);).i agree we loved the together time. i think i speak for all that we had a great time visiting and so enjoyed watching all the little ones play together(and fuss with each other;))cant wait till we can get back together again. love and miss you.