Daily Resurrection

^{"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." - Luke 9:23}


"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

  Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!"

 - Romans 5:8-10

If Christ calls us to die daily, surely he calls us to resurrection daily. For to die daily is to die to our sin, that we might live as new creations. We do not take up our crosses for the sake of self mutilation, we take up our crosses for the joy set before us of new life!

Christ calls us to surrender to take up our own cross. But this so that we may walk each day, according to the power of his Spirit and not our own strength. As he has said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power if made perfect in weakness." 

How much less we would fall if we surrendered to our own cross each morning and rose to face the day in the power of God's Spirit!

APK

Beloved

kirk haven

delight. rest. inspire.

before i lose you (you who may be faint of heart or hurting or ready to punch me through your screen), let me confess to you that there have been moments I have looked at this sign, the mission statement of whatever space God provides for us to call home, and wanted to rip it down and burn it.  because nothing seemed further from the truth. 

there have been extended seasons where our sign should have read: 

the ring:

 the place we come to wrestle with God, self, and each other. 

every. single. day.

but you know what? I have come to be at peace with the fact that there are seasons in life where pain and struggle rise so intensely against you that that you must wrestle. 

sometimes its our own sinfulness. sometimes it is God refining us.

sometimes it is the enemy rising against us. other times it is the bitter reality that we live in a broken world, and this side of eternity, we will have trouble.

through our seasons, God has shown himself so very faithful. in our wrestling, he has never left us. 

truly, it has felt that at times God ordained droughts and pruning in our marriage and ministry so intense, so severe, that we wondered if we would even survive. 

his ways are always motivated by love. always. there is no darkness in him. 

we couldn't see the roots growing robust and strong as they were forced to plunge deeper and extend further than we ever thought necessary. and we have yet to fully understand the harvest of fruit he will bear in us as we have endured his cutting back and pruning, chosing to trust the heart of the one who disciplines those he loves.

but we are starting to.

and can i encourage you, that this fruit is pure and it is sweet.

and it is worth every bitter tear wept in the quiet places. 

this is supposed to be a post about our valentines day.

to encourage you in your own lives to love extravagantly those God has entrusted in your homes, in your hearts, in your lives.

but i couldn't stand the thought of someone reading this post, walking away feeling lonely, discouraged, or inadequate at such lofty ideas of 'extravagent love' when their cup is empty and life a mess. 

i want you to know we've been there.

we know broken. we get messy.

even this side of redemption.

so before you read on, let me just encourage you to hold on. to keep pursuing Christ, even when you think you can't possibly take another step. ask Jesus for His spirit to do the work in you.

open your heart in vulnerability to another believer. pray together.

our God really does love you bigger and better than you can understand, and he will show himself good and faithful in the care of your precious heart.

so all fluff aside, and by fluff I mean the unrealistic expectations our culture places on men and women in relationship, I really do love valentines day. 

loving our God and each other deeply...we were made for this.

the kiddos woke to a gift of love from their daddy.

i cannot describe the gratitude in my heart or the joy that overflows as I watch you pursue this child's heart. I pray she learns to trust the heart of the Father and his love for her by your example.

And you know I pray this..I think it scares you. I pray he grows to be just like his daddy (well minus the really loud obnoxious singing in the car...if he continues to reject that trait as he now does, that would be awesome..."Daddy! NO SING!"

your gift to them was small in character, but immense in what it communicated:

you are beloved. you are valued.

judah loved his billy goat!

 and this one...well it melted my heart. i hope she always cherishes the words of love from her daddy penned before she ever took her first breath.

 i was so excited to spend the day in Belle's classroom today!

 judah was able to go by default (no babysitter...and mommy broke the rules by bringing him), but he was SO excited. he followed belle around her classroom, hugging her from behind about every 30 seconds.

 in years past, we've secured a sitter and ensured a date for just the two of us. but this year, valentines day was sandwiched by several 14+ hour days for you, and we sensed we needed a night together as a family more.

It is Tuesday, after all....fancy Italian night!

 look at those precious gloves! you made my evening when you came to the table in them!
such a little lady, already.

Judah wanted to dress as a knight for dinner, but his armour quickly became cumbersome, and he stripped before I could snag a picture!

 the server of the evening:

"will I get away with this?

who cares. i'm going for it!

sweet victory."

Belle brought me the bill. And her checkbook with which to pay it.

Apparently we dined at the "Spaghetti Valiant Knight" this evening.

And a few more for your viewing pleasure!

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Aron and I had a few gifts up our sleeves for each other. Nothing expensive or elaborate, but it communicated just what we intended it to just the same. 

I hope you had a beautiful day celebrating the love in your world.

one last confession...

my favorite part of the day?

2-4 pm.

the kids had quiet time in their room. i grabbed my bible, a cup of coffee, and my prayer journal, and had a date with the MOST important man in my life.

He is so worthy. I want to give him more and more of my heart.

And I am learning to trust that he really does find it beautiful.

That he wants to make it new.

I asked him today to help me to see myself the way he does. To believe that I am beloved by him.

Belovedness changes everything.

Its what transforms a servant into a son.

I pray this for you too.

ejk

our story a note in his symphony

http://www.etsy.com/listing/90665467/wild-and-precious-life

silly gooses tango, unedited.

a valentine's day diy

Nesting is in full swing. My poor little sewing machine has steam rolling off of it. Burp cloths are flying in all directions. Even made 'mini' ones for Belle. 

When I saw this  valentine banner made by the adorable, danielle, at Take Heart, I was in love. I told myself I didn't have time. Or energy. Forget about it. 

I could not.

A flag banner, made from vintage pillow cases, with scripture on it....oh man, its so full of all of my favorite things, I had to dive in. And it just so happens that I have several pillowcases with recent holes that I've been saving for...something.

It took two evenings...maybe an hour each night.

You can check out Take Heart for her tutorial. I was too busy (read...too excited to get it done) to bother with taking pictures of the step by step.

But really...it was so easy.

Just create a template to trace your flags (I fold mine in half and draw half a flag, so its symmetrical).

Trace. Cut. 

If you're not the sewing type, you can hot glue the flags inside the 1/2 inch double biased tape.

But I wanted something that would be sure to hold up through the years, so I decided to use a zigzag stitch to secure the flags inside the tape. I also cut out little hearts and stitched them on (with the machine) the flags between each word.

I had left over chip-board letters that I hot glued onto the flags (though there are NEVER enough vowels, so I had to 'create' some 'e's' from other letters. You can hardly tell, and I didn't have to spend any money).

Done.

 What a beautiful way to ground this 'fluffy' holiday, to drape our space in His word which brings life and wisdom and truth. Because after the roses and chocolate, life gets hard. And sometimes loving each other deeply looks much less romantic than one might hope. But above all...above all love each other deeply. Even when it hurts and we're messy and forgetful and insensitive.

 It also so happens to be a great way to help my children memorize scripture. We've been tackling a verse each month (I'd like to bump it up to one a week, but we haven't yet). Above all (point up at the banner hanging above), LOVE each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

 Love covers over. 

I am so thankful for the ultimate covering - Christ's love poured out and covering me, clothing me in His righteousness - so that I can be called a daughter of God. And it goes on and on. I can't tell you the people in my life that have covered over my offenses with the love and grace He has put in their hearts toward me. Love covers over, and in that covering, it heals, restores, infuses hope, makes us whole.

It helps us to become the self we all wish we could be.

 And as you can see by Judah's little face, some days, we're going to need a whole lotta love to cover over the holes in our heart. Thank goodness his mama has such a lovely banner to remind her of such!

xoxo

ejk

on academia

someone got called to the office today.

and we gushed.

 and someone else is learning at a school of his own.

i was thoroughly amused to walk in the room and find school in session. there sat judah lined up with the other pupils reciting their months of the year. big sisters are intense teachers, let me tell you.

ejk

In Full

if you hadn't already stolen my heart 13 years ago, you would have had it anew tonight.

our journey is not what we planned it to be, but I am finding our DreamGiver is writing it beautiful just the same. we consecrated our united lives to Christ that August day, two dreamer souls alive with the glory of love. we didn't know that in that moment we were laying our dreams on the alter, and that before our very eyes we would see our God light them afire. we watched them burn, and it felt like death of the heart. there were moments we sat dazed and deflated and unable to comprehend this righteous blaze. knowing his heart for us was love and goodness, yet experiencing such pain. 

his fire, it consumed, 

but only what was perishable, waste, impure.

our dreams remained, and now we stare at them,

fire quenched and satisfied,

and they stand sparkling pure, never destroyed,

only refined.

tonight, our DreamGiver came near, in the simplest of ways, to assure us again that he is ever present. ever seeing, ever in control. ever giving. ever loving. if he has stripped, it has been for our good and his glory. if he has wounded, it has been for our whole healing.

belle had an idea: she desperately wanted a fancy dinner. she begged to paint her nails deep purple and decorate herself beautiful in ruffles and sparkles. i have never seen her so utterly beside herself when you made over her all gussied up, though her self-applied make up was honestly hilarious. you put on a suit and tie and asked her to dance. judah wore a tie and cowboy boots, and I threw on a dress over yoga pants and unkept hair.

we danced to Rosemary Clooney, and Belle swooned. you hold her heart, and I am so thankful she is learning her value from you. you awaken in her heart a sacred femininity that leaves me speechless as I watch it gush and ooze from her tiny self. you draped a towel over your arm, put on your best stuffy accent, and served the kids their spinach salads and cucumbers, assuring them the main course was soon to come. tortellini and chicken never tasted so inviting, and you suggested we have fancy italian night every tuesday. i love how you enjoy our children.

we spent the rest of our evening watching home videos. we giggled at how skinny you looked, at how pregnant I stay, at how much 2 year old Belle looked just like her brother. I forgot how curly her hair was, how cute her little voice. and you swooned at your little girl, teared at how grown she now seems. you spoke of how excited this made you to meet your next daughter....until we watched the birth videos and you breathed heavy with anxiety over the pain that was coming for me. 

somehow, in the midst of the evening, we both understood. understood his timing and caught a glimpse of his plan and precision in his care of our world. i've been waiting for this moment. knowing it to be true, but needing to see it for myself.

our belle awoke this morning, and while still tucked cozy in her flannel monkey sheets, breathed a delighted sigh. "I just can't stop thinking about that amazing fancy dinner. and we even got to watch 3 whole movies!"

i am learning dreams come true happen one subtle moment at a time. and the beauty and the pain somehow weave together to create the thread that knits our hearts together forever. and above and beyond it all, our DreamGiver works it all together for our good and his glory.

one day, we will see in full. and we will understand the whole.

breathless at his beauty, we will join a host of the redeemed and declare,

that he really is better than we could have ever dreamed.

and he is ours and we are his, forever.

ejk

*ideas in this post inspired after husband re-read Dream Giver for couples this week (we read it a little over 4 years ago), and reminded me of the ideas presented in the book. if anything in the post resonated with your heart, I would recommend reading the book for yourself! 

preparing

this feels like it fits 'our girl'. 

her daddy dreams of her in yellow.

 and with a spring arrival, that sweet little peach birdie seems the perfect touch.

it may just require a splurge!

a little judah-man sunshine for your monday

I overhear the most entertaining conversations each morning. 

Most mornings, Judah is the first to wake, and he rolls over and "Sissy...Wake UP! Siiiisssssy! I need to go potty! Let's play! I'm hungry and tirsty.".

And my sweet girl, she'll get her brother up and undressed, take him to the potty, and then assist him with re-donning his super hero drawers. Often she'll go ahead and peel him a clementine or grab them both a banana and head back to their bedroom to play. She takes incredible care of him, and he adores her for it. This is the calm before the storm. No diapers. Self sufficient. Yes, I'm enjoying it while it lasts! Judah will even assist himself to the big potty, though at times still insists that I come with him. This morning he danced around the kitchen, "OOOooooh. Oooooh. I gotta go bad!" I told him to go ahead and go on to the potty...that he could do it. But he pleaded. "No! I need you to come wif me. I might fall in and go away, and den I won't be wif you."
Ok. Break my heart. Yes, mommy will help you to the potty anytime you need me to.

Anyway...back to the conversations. While most mornings they've been getting themselves up and fed and playing without ever coming to get me, occasionally they linger face to face on their pillows chatting. One morning this week I overheard Judah plead, "But I don't want you to go to school, Sissy. No. You stay home wif me. I want you to stay wif me." She tried to explain..."Awwww. I know you do, Bubs. But I've got to go to school today. You can stay here with mama, and I'll be home in a little bit." He's come to grips with her new independence quite well. However, if she or Aron leave in the morning without first giving him a hug, a kiss, an "I love you!", AND a wave all the way down the sidewalk along with a stated "Byyyyyyeee!" (without missing any of the listed elements), we have a major teary meltdown that is nearly impossible to soothe. Once they've had their five part goodbye, he's at peace with them going, and on we go with our morning. 

This morning I overheard Belle gently explaining while they were still in bed, "No, Judah. You can't have chocolate for breakfast. Or candy. I'm sorry." Judah pleaded, "YES! I want chocolate! And candy! Pleeease?" 

He continued to insist after they rose and joined me in the living room. I, however, gave him the same answer as Sissy. Bummer. However, I do find it quite adorable that anytime he IS allowed a piece of chocolate or a treat of any sort, he always asks for 'one more for sissy', and runs as fast as he can to deliver an equal portion to Belle. 

 Such a silly man!

He prayed over our lunch today, "De-ah God, Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for Mommy & Daddy. Thank you for Sissy. And Samuel. And E-saiah. AAAAmen!" 

And last night, he was struggling at bedtime (the dolls in their room really terrify him), so I layed down with him for a few minutes to reassure him. I have never ever met a kid who so strongly exhibits physical touch as a love language. He loves to place his hands on both sides of your cheeks and just rub...over and over and over, until his arms are too tired and they fall from exhaustion or he falls asleep first. I think he discovered at Christmastime when he had some time with Grandma that he also really likes his face rubbed too. Last night, with my face cupped in his ever rubbing hands, he instructed, "Mommy. Rub me! Right here on my face." And so this is how he drifted off to sleep, double rubbing. Aron and I joke all the time (though we are somewhat serious), his poor future wife...she'd better be a 'toucher'!

But for now, I'll enjoy all the cuddles and kisses and cheek to cheek time this amazingly sweet little man, so full of music and wild, has to offer. I'll be jealous for them one day when he's grown and no longer expresses his love to me in this way. 

When God Says "No."

One of the signs of a Christian life is inner peace and contentment. To be honest, this is something I have struggled with my entire Christian life. At it's core, this is an issue of doubt and mistrust towards our heavenly Father. We doubt that he cares. We doubt that he is mindful of our situation. We doubt his love. We doubt his kindness.

As followers of Jesus, we hope that he will do great things in our lives, and if when do not see these things come to pass as we thought, we at least hope that there is a greater purpose in it all. After time, we begin to doubt that there's even a greater purpose - "What the heck is God up to? Do you even see my life, God? What are you doing? Can you hear me?"

If you don't struggle chronically with this (like I do), you WILL at some point in your Christian life.

This morning I watched this sermon by Bob Russell called "When God Says 'No.'"  and I have never been more encouraged to trust the heart of my heavenly Father. I have never been more sure that he IS aware of what is going on in my life, that he IS good, and that, in the end, there is a MUCH greater purpose being worked out in my life to the glory of God. I would highly recommend that every believer watch this sermon!

It's easy to believe, trust, hope, love and be content when life circumstances are good and you get everything you've hoped for. But I want to be full of joy and peace and love in any and every circumstance in my life, even and especially when God says "no."
APK