wounds: surface and mortal

Our first fleshy catastrophe: a minor abrasian...but don't tell Belle this.

Dora makes gravel-filled, skinned knees much better...and she also makes little girls very proud.

Along the same lines, I had a monster size wound resurface this week. You know those wounds so deep inside - the ones that for most of your life have left you feeling broken in some capacity. For some of you its inadequacy - do you have what it takes? For others you wonder if you are truly worth being loved. For some its rejection. Still others its abandonment or loneliness. For me...its "I do not belong..." The list can go on and on. But one thing is for certain, Satan (& the forces of evil) know your wound very intimately and will use your life circumstances to "shoot arrows" directly at your weak spot.

You may go months and months walking toward restoration and feeling virtually free of this core heart issue, then - *bam* (there's some onomonopeia for ya) out of nowhere you feel ambushed with a tidal wave of hurt and frustration related to your particular wound.

That was exactly my story the first of this week. It was a rough few days feeling as if all the healing God was working in my spirit was just land blasted by a few expertly planted thoughts and circumstances by my enemy.

I wonder why...and this I do not fully know. But I do know the past two weeks have been a season of transition for our family, I have started a new job and am much busier, aron & I have had less quality time, & for these reasons I am more vulnerable. This is a perfect time for a mortal enemy to attack - and where better to attack than at the area of greatest weakness? I was no where near prepared to fight off the thoughts I heard in my head concerning not belonging. And before I could blink, they were taking residence and made for a miserable few days.

Thankfully, God in His great love, is a warrior like no other. Thankfully, he fights for us when we have no idea how to defend ourselves. And at the end of that battle, he picks us up, and tells us we are His. He speaks truth to the lies and brings healing to the wound. Healing is a process, but as we are made new, our wounds begin to look less like scars and more like a glorious story of redemption.

Remember... when we are weak, then we are strong, because HIS power is made perfect in our weakness.

amen

ejk

ps...The Sacred Romance by John Eldridge & Brent Curtis is an excellent book that is so, so relevant to this subject. If you're reading this sentence, you need to read that book. If you're Josh or Marie Young, yes, we still have your copy (sorry, we moved...but we'll return it, someday) & it changed both of our lives.

A Belle Fix for the family

nothing profound, but life none the less

The girls are holding the fort down this week in MI. While we desperately miss our #1 man, Belle & I are so enjoying our time together. Today she was my little helper all day long...elmo couldn't hold a candle to momma.

She helped me weed our humble little full shade flower bed & plant perennials (although she hated having dirt on her hands). As I was mulching, she'd pick up the bucket for me & move it to where I was...without me asking her to. We drew murals with sidewalk chalk (she loves to draw the moon), and she even helped me wash floors on her hands and knees (she slipped several times on the wet floor & was NOT happy about that).

After a full day she is ...plum tuckered. (For ye Michiganders...use context clues!)

Aron reported that he is having a blast at Arise; he said that he has been so inspired & refreshed, and is full of ideas and songs...now he just needs some alone time to work it all out in his head. All week before leaving he kept saying that he just wanted to see some people he knew at the conference...he actually day-dreamed about seeing some of his old buddies from college there when he was showering Tuesday morning before leaving, but then said aloud, "That's a fantasy, that will never happen" (weird..but true).

But to Aron's great surprise he met one of his most eccentric and "iconic"(as Aron put it) profs from IWU....Suzano (that's his last name...I've never heard his first name). A native of Brazil, Suzano's personality and flair is a rich as his thick accent, and he so happened to be one of Aron's worship profs in college. Together they traveled on a tour of the northeastern united states playing worship music in may of 2005. They embraced, in the bathroom of all places, and Suzano exclaimed that he just listened to a cd they had recorded together & the solo aron played on a particular song was the best he'd ever heard for that song. That made Aron's day.

He also saw another friend from college, Steve Barton...(for all you IWU alumni), who is now a worship leader in Colorado...go figure.

So to wrap it up...Belle & I are hanging in there...thanks for all of you who have called to make sure we're okay! It helps to know we're not completely alone!
ejk

I'm heading off today for Arise, the 2008 Willow Creek Arts Conference. I haven't been this excited about Willow since I was 5 years old and obsessed with medieval dwarf socerers and Madmartigan was my hero. I'm sure I'll have some good blog material when I get back. This Arise theme reminds me of a worship song I wrote recently called "Arise, Shine". It's straight out of Isaiah 60 (Awesome passage; check it out). Here are some of the lyrics:

At first light we lift our prayers to you/ At first light your humble love shines through/ At first light you call us to come/ Come to the light of your love/Come to the light, come to the light/Arise, shine, for your glorious light has come/ Arise, shine, Jesus Christ is the Glorious One/ We lift our eyes, what a glorious sight!/ Nations will come to the brightness of your dawn

Someday I'll have a recording for you all to enjoy. Until then, watch Willow and tell me if Madmartigan is not the coolest hero you've ever seen.

APK

credit where credit is do

This one's for my man. Despite a whirlwind week of meetings, running Belle to the sitter, and lack of sleep, Aron served our family in amazing ways. Not only did he pitch in around the house to fill in the gaps my 40 hours away left, Friday night he greeted me with a homemade dinner(I was STARVING after working 12 1/2 hours) and a movie. He created his own stuffed pepper recipe, and I have to say...it was really quite good. Thanks so much, babe!
On a different note, Isabelle has acquired a strange palate lately. We keep catching her sneaking into the pantry and eating hard, uncooked dry wheat rotini noodles; I'm talking handfuls of them. Sometimes she crunches on them, sometimes she sucks them until their soft. Either way...pretty weird if you ask me. It's calories though, and the more of those we get in her, the better!

I'm working the next two days, so I'll see you all on Tuesday.

keep it real

ejk

What is your SHAPE?

I'm really excited about our next series at church, SHAPEd for service. What is your SHAPE (Spiritual gifts, Heart/passions, Abilities, Personality, Experiences)?

We going to explore the fact that we've all got a role to play in God's redemptive work. He has given us each a unique SHAPE to serve Him.

The Church is God's redemptive vehicle for the entire world. Let that soak in. We (the Church)have been commissioned with telling the Good News and making disciples. God's really been challenging me with the weight of this. Jesus died to save the world, then he established his Church and entrusted them with the responsibility of spreading the Word.

So many times we Americans give the local church our left-overs. Some of us feel like we are left-overs. Let me assure you, the local church can use you. God can make your 'left-overs' feed 5000 (think a few fish and some bread).

I've had people tell me I have a real 'gift' when it comes to music/writing songs/etc. Worldly wisdom says, "Hey man, you've got a 'gift', why don't you try to get famous and make a load of cash and you'll be set." That's from my own thoughts and it's what I once strived for. I even had people-- good, Christian people-- want this for me.

Godly wisdom says, "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." That's from 1 Peter 4:10. This verse reminds me that the most talented and least talented people in this world are on a level playing field called Service. I'm convinced the most glorious Service Stadium is the local church.

Jesus did NOT say the greatest among us would be the best songwriter, the most charasmatic speaker, the one in the highest position, etc. He said the greatest would be the servant. We are all SHAPEd to serve, but we've got to get into the game. The local church has a glorious playing field waiting. What is your SHAPE?
APK

choose

Aron & I had a conversation last night while lying in bed expressing our frustration with ourselves at the lack of motivation to pursue excellence in our lives. Though we know it is best, both of us have been neglecting exercise opting instead to hit the snooze button & sleep until the last possible minute. We've been putting off our prayer times together at the end of the day until we're both so tired, we just fall into bed. Even our personal prayer times have been not as much of a priority as we NEED it to be. You see, we both believe God has dreams for us, that God has a purpose & plan for each of us. But we also understand that without connecting with him both individually & as a couple, we won't be #1 prepared when opportunities arise and #2 in tune with his heart to know the paths we are to pursue.

In light of this, a scripture from Deuteronomy has been on my heart & it is really speaking truth to our circumstance:
15 See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. 16 For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.
17 But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, 18 I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.
19 This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

God is calling us to choose life - to choose Him -in even the smallest decisions. As I contemplate whether to sleep an extra half hour or wake up & take care of the body God has given me for His purposes - will I choose life or will I choose death? I am making a choice when I hit the snooze button, even if it seems ever so small. Those little choices add up.

Now I am not suggesting that there is no grace & no fun. God Himself modeled that there is a time to rest. And there will be days when choosing life means to say no to the busy work & rest or play. But this scripture just highlighted in my mind the importance of the little everyday, seemingly insignificant decisions we make numerous times a day.

So as we walk through our moments and our days, let us choose life, because God in his great love has set before us the opportunity to choose.
ejk

How I loathe transitions

I'm trying to embrace seasons of change, weeks outside my comfort zone, but truth be told,
I'm terrible at transitioning through transitions. Someone explain this personality trait to me, please! (I'm an ENFJ with a dichotomous duo set of spiritual gifts: 100% comforter, 100% manager for those of you who understand these things {thank you dr. millard, iwu, & the life calling & leadership department}).
So I started my first day at St. John's Health Network; I'll be traveling to each of their 6 different campuses working on various floors. The benefit: flexibility...I make my schedule. The drawback: no consistency.
All day I longed for my comfort zone at Brown County Hospital (which I really did not like when I first started). After seeing 30 plus docs on the Tele unit today, I seriously ached for my Dr. Kapur (who frustrated me much when I first started at BCGH). When I started BCGH, I longed for the ways of Marion General Hospital. When I began as a Student Nurse at MGH, I just wanted to go back to Clermont Mercy. You see the pattern?
I am terrible with transition. Once I am out of the woods of uncertainity, I am fine. I am trying to see this as exciting. I am praying to live in this moment. I am trying...
ejk

Dancing Queen

Weekend recap

We've had a busy weekend here at KirkHaven...so here's the headlines:

Belle's baby dedication at Macomb Christian Church

She received Psalm 9:19 (also her birthday - 9/19/06) as her life verse:"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."

Little Rose upon waking this morning (she is NOT a morning person...at all!)

Saturday we attended the wedding of Brian & Linda Carr.

Here's Belle before the wedding...and another picture exactly one year ago in the same dress...oh the change in just one year!

And finally, see the video above for our little party animal. She wandered all around the dance floor busting a move (her moves kinda remind us of a pirate...argh, matey!)

producer's note: Apologies for the sideways videos...I keep forgetting videography doesn't work like photography does...you can't turn the camera & expect it to tape right side up. Also, all of our videos have been shot from our digital camera; I still haven't figured out how to get our real videos from our handycam to upload! That might explain the poor resolution & overall "jiggly-ness" of the footage. Something is better than nothing for grandparents and the like!

ejk