"Most of the time, my prayer consists in experiencing the abscence of God in the hope of communion."
This is a quote from a book I've been reading lately ("the Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning) but it's also been a pretty acurate description of my personal worship of God. Crying out, asking for guidance, begging for peace and feeling like I'm all alone.
But I love what Manning goes on to say: Yet the experience of abscence does not mean the abscence of experience... The Christian who is poor in spirit goes to worship on Sunday morning singing: "I am poor but I brought myself the best I could; I am Yours, I am Yours."
I think I'm actually furthest from God when I'm busy; when I'm comfortable; when I have a lack of desire. When I think, "man, I should really pray (read, meditate, sing, etc.) but..." and I just go on with my busy day.
So as my friend Joe Dusza exhorted me to do, I'm learning to appreciate my poverty. It's no wonder the poor in spirit are blessed, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. But, lest we forget, the Kingdom is within and most often entered throught the gates of poverty-- our need of a Savior.