"Most of the time, my prayer consists in experiencing the abscence of God in the hope of communion."
This is a quote from a book I've been reading lately ("the Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning) but it's also been a pretty acurate description of my personal worship of God. Crying out, asking for guidance, begging for peace and feeling like I'm all alone.
But I love what Manning goes on to say: Yet the experience of abscence does not mean the abscence of experience... The Christian who is poor in spirit goes to worship on Sunday morning singing: "I am poor but I brought myself the best I could; I am Yours, I am Yours."
I think I'm actually furthest from God when I'm busy; when I'm comfortable; when I have a lack of desire. When I think, "man, I should really pray (read, meditate, sing, etc.) but..." and I just go on with my busy day.
So as my friend Joe Dusza exhorted me to do, I'm learning to appreciate my poverty. It's no wonder the poor in spirit are blessed, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. But, lest we forget, the Kingdom is within and most often entered throught the gates of poverty-- our need of a Savior.
APK
1 comment:
Nice reflection and honesty of the heart. I am reading a Brennan Manning book right now too. I'd love to take a look at the book you are reading sometime.
It's funny, we are studying the book of Esther right now (a book in the Bible that has no mention or reference of God in it- Yet, it is part of His Word). Our lives may seem like that at times as well...that He is absent and not "in" it. Beth Moore says it best: ...Hopefully, we can "train the eyes of our heart to see how an unseen God works in similar ways in our own experiences and reminds us that He is never more present than when He seems strangely absent. That's what providence is all about."
I love Joe's perspective...embracing our own poverty. It's difficult to do because we live in a culture that tells us to do otherwise.
Another great quote: God is attracted to weakness. When we are weak in ourselves (poverty in spirit), there is more room for the strength of God.
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