This has been a difficult week emotionally - there was a tough confrontation, followed by self-evaluation & reflection, a little homesickness, & overall feeling of an inability to finish anything! The house is a wreck - has been all week. Husband is beginning to grow weary of the mess. Everyday is filled with attempts to "get control of the chaos" - only to succomb to it by 9:30. Baked a cake tonight to take to different neighbors in an attempt to build relationships - both 9 inch cakes crumbled when taking them out of the pan.
At times like these, I feel like such a loser - "God must be so frustrated with me as I live in such defeat," my head perpetually tells my heart. But tonight a familiar voice spoke a much different message in response:
A clumsy Little Love clip-clops into the kitchen. "That's funny," I think without looking, wondering what it could be, "Belle's barefoot & none of her shoes have heels..." I look down to see Belle in my shoes (high heels, on the wrong feet mind you) attempting to walk around the house. So here's the message spoken to my heart at that moment: Sure you've got big shoes to fill. Yes you may be a little unsteady & less than proficient; you may trip and fall...but you know what, I am so proud you're trying so hard to be like me. I LOVE that you are trying - even if you feel foolish & don't see the fruit of your efforts. I love you more than you can understand.
ejk
2 comments:
Erica,
I LOVE YOU!!!!
Becky Jo
PS - I am on your side ... NOT that sides need to be taken!
Erica, thanks for your honesty. It is often overwhelming how much we feel we have to do and take care of... when really when it comes down to it, our job is so simple: to love God, and to love others. And you do both of these so well. God's grace is SO wide, isn't it? It's stunning and beautiful and unbelievable and wrenching. And offered so sweetly to us.
I love you. Kim
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