I, Erica Kirk, failed my pre-employment urine drug screen. Yes, you read right...Erica, the drugy! I go in today to start my job & they tell me my urine sample was too dilute, which creates suspision that I have #1 provided a fraudulent sample or #2 attempted to hide my drug abuse problem by drinking so much water, nothing will show up on the screen.
Let's try option #3,! I am a fairly healthy girl. I work out, I subsequently rehydrate my body, and my kidney's are happy organs because I drink lots of water!
So I ask the very rude nurse who is treating me like a criminal if I can just redo the test on the spot. She asked, "Did you drink a lot of water this morning?" I did. She tells me if it comes back too dilute again, they will not hire me!
So now, I have to drive 45 minutes to the Occ Health facility AGAIN tommorrow. But I'm freaking out...why, you ask, if I have nothing to hide? Well, yesterday at church, I went out to get coffee before service, as I usually do. On the coffee & refreshment table I see a delicious lemon-poppy seed muffin staring back at me. I hesitate before picking it up thinking, "What if I would have to redo my drug test; I haven't got the results back yet. Nahhh...what could possibly go wrong? I'm clean".
So I enjoy the muffin. Not only this, but I also had a salad tossed with poppy seed dressing yesterday! So, if this comes through on my drug screen tommorrow, I will truely look like a proven drugy nurse!
There's more...
Because of this one issue of overhydration, I am no longer able to complete the orientation class tommorrow. They said they could not reschedule me until June!
You just cannot make this up!
ejk
6 comments:
Geesh! That's nuts!
Look at it this way though: you can use this as an excuse to eat a bunch of crappy food today so that your sample tomorrow isn't "too dilute."
Go forth an be unhealthy!
Seriously, I'm sure it will all work out fine tomorrow. Sorry you're having such a bad experience going back to work. It will be worth it when your student loans are paid off though! I promise!
I hope you're right, Josh! It just kinda knocked the wind out of my sails...I was already dreading going back to work. Now I have to fight to prove I'm not a closet drug addict. I just pray those poppy seeds don't show through as opium tommorrow...I've heard these things occur!
You're right, though, once we kick Sallie Mae out of our house, it will all be worth it!
erica
erica
You, water-aholic, you! I just knew you were hiding something!
Just kidding! I'm sure it will all work out. I'm praying for a non-diluted, poppy free sample for you in the morning.
Gee, that's not something I pray for on a regular basis.
I'm laughing even though you have reason to be worried! What a funny experience for you. Keep us posted... and try to lay off the drugs, ok? Love you!
Ya know ... I have always had my suspicions about you....
JUST KIDDING!!!
I will be praying for your - ya know, "stuff" - to all come out ok.
LOVE YOU!!!
Becky Jo
so that's how you stay so skinny....
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